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I sometimes worry I’m too easy of a reviewer; that I dish out fours and fives by default, remember only the good parts of games, glossing over the rough edges, and just generally giving designers the benefit of the doubt.

Then I run into games like Pitz and Pang, now out for the iPhone and iPod touch. It’s not that they’re bad games, it’s just that the controls are so wonky—for both of them— that I feel like I’m fighting with the interface rather than the game itself.

I have to go on record as saying that I’m not a big fan of tilt controls for games, nor do I like virtual buttons for analog buttons. I think they lack the sensitivity needed for gaming, by which I mean, I stink at using them. The fact that both Pitz and Pang use virtual buttons in games were precision is vital to success probably didn’t help them any.

Pitz

Category: Jumping game
Developer: Etherfield Ltd
Requirements: iPhone 3.1 software
Compatibility: iPhone and iPod touch
File Size: 14.5 Mb
Version Reviewed: 1.01
Price: $2.99

In Pitz, you control a ball that’s trying to bounce its way through different layers of jungle terror, collecting coins and artifacts on the way, and avoiding spikes. You control the ball by pressing on the left and right side of the screen. The physics of the game take a lot—a lot—of getting used to, which was the big problem I had, because you’re not just in control of which way the ball bounces (it maintains the same amount of “bounce” every time it lands), you can also alter its direction in mid-bounce to a degree.

Unfortunately this means you have to spend a long time training yourself in learning how to steer the ball, something I was never able to grasp as I constantly fell down into spikes and missed jumps that sent me back to the beginning of the level. You can’t rest your thumbs at all or it will inevitably cause the ball to shift slightly, and even at its earliest levels this is a game that requires hair-splitting precision to make even the simplest jump happen. Maybe there are people out there with better thumb control, but it made me feel like I was attempting open heart surgery with my feet.

Pang Mobile

Category: Arcade shooter
Developer: Player X
Requirements: iPhone 2.1 software
Compatibility: iPhone and iPod touch
File Size: 7.0 Mb
Version Reviewed: 1.0.0
Price: $2.99

Another game that suffers from controller problems, Pang features a character who looks like Ash Ketchum’s older, unattractive brother, Zeppo Ketchum, in a nonstop war with bouncing balls. You do this by firing harpoons and other weapons in to the air, striking a balloon so it breaks into two smaller pieces, which don’t bounce as high. You continue this process until the smallest pieces are destroyed.

The game is described as “easy to learn but difficult to master” and brother, they weren’t kidding, but that’s not because of the subtle challenges of gameplay, but because the way you move Zeppo across the screen is frustrating as best. Using your right finger to fire (by tapping), you move left and right by swiping your left finger along a strip at the bottom of the screen. While the game options allow you to increase the movement sensitivity of the controls, doing that simply makes you run into the balls faster.

I’m not talking about the challenges of an arcade shooter—which Pang very clearly is, basing itself off Buster Brothers from back in the day—I’m talking about the level of fine control needed as several small targets are boucing at your head and you need to dodge quickly from one side to the other. If your finger strays out of the control area, you’re hosed, which pretty much ruins a game of precise timing like this one.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m too old and atrophied to have the hand-eye coordination to play these games any more. Hell, Defender was too complicated for me. But as much as I like my iPod touch, and as much as I enjoy playing games on it—strategy games which don’t require twitch controls—I’ve yet to see a game that makes good use of virtual buttons on the iPhone software.