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Category: Entertainment
Seller: Michael Hill
Requirements: iPhone 2.0 software update
Compatibility: iPhone and iPod touch
File Size: 2.6MB
Version Reviewed: 1.0
Price: $0.99

How much would you sacrifice for the perfect girl? Three month’s salary? The freedom to eat baked beans from the can right over the stove? How about 99 cents? That’s right, 99 cents. Of course, let me first say that I’ve already met the perfect girl. Her name is Tieraney, and she’s my lovely wife and mother of two and she completes me and she had me at “Hello.”

Okay, now that she’s no longer reading, Perfect Girl for iPhone and iPod touch is hilarious, and it’s just what your typical guy needs, single or not…for about five minutes away. By then, you’re likely to get tired of her, but that’s just typical male behavior, right?

Perfect Girl is so named because she tells you the types of things guys like to hear. That’s it. That’s all this app does. You launch it, you press the “Speak” button (uh oh) and you listen to a female voice say wonderful things such as…well, that’s the clincher here. By and large, most of the lines are actually funny. I’m serious. Funny. Yes, you get the typical stuff like “You are perfect” and “Have fun drinking with your friends,” but if it were all that, Perfect Girl would be nothing more than a typical, dull Spencer’s Gift novelty. Another stupid show on Spike. The joke would wear off very, very fast.

But Perfect Girl gets random, and she gets geeky, and it’s hilarious. Some of my favorites:

• I repaired your permissions!
• I’ll wear the space helmet.
• I stole you some spray paint!

I played a bunch of these for my coworkers on the way back from lunch today, and we were all laughing despite wildly varying senses of humor. Granted, we’re all dudes, but there’s nothing in here that should be offensive to women. There are some with sexual overtones, but the woman who recorded the lines sounds cute and natural, not like some beer commercial stereotype.

But sadly, the comedy can’t go on forever. You can cycle through all of the recorded lines in a matter of a few minutes, it would seem. They’re delivered randomly, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ll only be launching Perfect Girl when you’re around someone who hasn’t heard it before.

My coworkers also complained about the graphics:

That’s it. That’s literally all you get. Some will be put off by that (it’s like a women’s restroom sign at a scrapbooking store), but I applaud that decision. Putting a photo or an illustration of an actual woman would’ve killed the illusion, because she wouldn’t have been perfect. Maybe she would’ve been a blonde, when your perfect girl is a brunette. Maybe she would’ve been American when you prefer Latin women? The generic pink graphic allows you to use your imagination…which is appropriate, since that’s the only place you’ll ever find the perfect girl.

(Except for me, of course. I found the perfect girl, and I married her, right Tieraney? Tieraney? Okay, she’s still not reading.)

I hope this isn’t it for this app. I’d like to see updates with more lines. I’d like to see graphics that don’t scream Valentine’s Day (also that’s certainly appropriate for right now). I’d really like to have the ability to suggest/share lines online. (Maybe a contest, Michael, to have the best lines recorded for the app? Look into that.) And although I may be developing a crush on the voice included (how could I not develop a crush on a woman who stole spray paint for me?), different voices would be fun, as well.

As it stands right now, though, Perfect Girl is maybe the funniest iPhone app I’ve used yet, and I know it’s going to be launched numerous times over the next few weeks as I attend various birthday parties and take in my annual hockey game. Speaking of that, there’s my suggestion for v1.1:

“I hope this game goes into a shootout.”