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Category: Action Games
Seller: Artificial Life, Inc.
Requirements: iPhone OS 2.1 or later
Compatibility: iPhone and iPod touch
File Size: 35.5MB
Version Reviewed: 1.0.1
Price: $1.99 (on sale for $0.99 at press time)
Age Rating: 9+ (infrequent/mild mature/suggestive themes)

Here, then, we have an iPhone game that desperately does not want to be an iPhone game. It wants to be on the DS or the PSP. Or maybe even the good old Macintosh. I mean, it plays well on the iPhone, but throughout, I could just feel it trying to penetrate it’s iPhone shell.

iDroidsMania, which is in desperate need of a better name, is a cute little platformer that offers some solid action and puzzles. You play as HAXX, a happily married robot whose life is turned upside down by the seemingly continuous kidnapping of your wife and kids. I have a rule about this. The first time my wife gets kidnapped by an old enemy, I’ll find her and get her back. The second time, well, it depends upon whether it’s football season. The third time, if the police find her, cool. If not, go buy some new Wii games.

Luckily, HAXX is a bit more dedicated than I am, and continuously tracks down his loving but quite inconvenient family. He does this by exploring 11 levels of iDroidOpia. As a platformer, you can expect plenty of jumping, swinging across pits with your grappling hook, and fighting with unrelenting enemies.

The controls are handled about as well as can be expected on the iPhone. A virtual d-pad at the bottom left offers control. Virtual buttons on the right allow you to jump, attack and use items, and a wheel on the upper right provides the ability to cycle through your weapons. You can also use the accelerometer, but don’t be a dork. That’s great for rolling dice or randomly determining where you’re going to eat, but it sucks for platform games.

The virtual controls take some getting used to, but they’re not bad. This is due in part to the game’s design, which never gets that frantic. Aside from a few timed elements, you generally are afforded the opportunity to scout your surroundings and plan your strategy. In fact, at any point on any level, you can scan across the whole level to see what’s up ahead. This is great for knowing what weapons to reserve and whether you should go back now to recharge your batteries.

And let’s talk about that for a moment. There are plenty of weapons to be acquired, and knowing what to use when is key. None of your weapons are infinite, but you do always have the grappling hook. This can be used to suck the power away from your enemies, but it robs you of some of your energy each time you do so. It’ll still be your default weapon, though, as it’s also required to get to some objects, and you can always just recharge at the nearest fueling station. Oh, and there are checkpoint markers. Thank God for the checkpoint markers, because you’ll likely be falling to your death quite a bit.

The graphics in iDroidsMania are good enough. Pretty much on par with GBA graphics, which is perfect for a game of this type. The audio’s good, too, both during the action and throughout the little cut scenes that tell the story. It’s a solid design overall, with some oddly adult moments in it. For instance, one of the levels is the Dirty Socket District, some weapon discharges are obviously designed to look like sperm, and the invincibility power-up is essentially a condom that HAXX wears over his whole body. Dude puts on a body condom, runs around the levels, and is invincible. After this, you suddenly start seeing the innuendo everywhere, intentional or not. I’m not sure the joke entirely works here, but whatever.

The 11 levels included in the game do offer some surprising variety. Although the heart of the game is just jumping and attacking, you’ll get your Mario Brothers style alternatives in under water levels and such. Pretty much everything will seem familiar as you play, but it never feels stale.

My only real problem with iDroidsMania, then, is that it’s quite short. I played through one quick session while getting my oil changed recently (didn’t realize how appropriate that was until just now), and was surprised to find I was already 1/10th of the way through the game after just a five minute session. That’s not entirely accurate, as some of the later levels are longer to complete, and the surprisingly fun boss battles may take a few tries, but I won’t be surprised to see Artificial Life charge users for further levels. Considering the minimal up front investment, an additional charge for more action would absolutely be worth it.

And even if they don’t make further levels, iDroidsMania is a good deal as it is. It’s challenging without being annoying, it’s very well designed, and it provides the type of satisfying gaming experience you usually just don’t get when playing games on the iPhone or iPod touch. Here’s a game that would be worth $20 or $30 on the DS, if it were longer, so there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t pay $2.00 for it for your iPhone.

Well…unless you’re offended by robotic sexual innuendo. Indeed, this isn’t so much an iPhone game as an iPhone gamete. Get it? Oh, come on. At least give me credit for staying awake during high school health class.