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[Editor’s Note: April Fools Day article from April 1st, 2009.]

In a press announcement released early today, Apple unveiled plans to release a keyboard that forgoes the standard QWERTY-style keyboard layout for a complete lack of keyboard layout. Dubbed the iBoard, the device—to be available in both wired and wireless models—will feature a sleek, aluminum look in line with the current iPod shuffle, iMac and MacBook models, and will feature a single, simple, device-wide button with which the user will interact.

In the press release, Apple states:

Buttons are good for one thing only: holding up your pants. And even then, they’re not as efficient as braces. Over the past couple of years, we’ve worked hard to make our keyboard buttons as small and thin as possible. In fact, just between you and me, the single reason we make laptop computers is because they give us an excuse to make the buttons small. And last month, we made great strides towards our goal of going 100% buttonless when we eliminated nearly 20 buttons from our standard keyboards that ship with all iMacs (that’s 20 fewer buttons taking up landfill space and poisoning fish in our nation’s waterways), and we’ve eliminated buttons altogether from the iPod shuffle. By eliminating all of the buttons from the iBoard, we’ve not only single-handedly saved the large mouth bass from the brink of extinction, but we’ve come even closer to our goal of a negative button world.

Also, although we call it the iBoard, we want to make it perfectly clear that there is, in fact no “i” key on the iBoard. We just call everything “i” this or “i” that. We’re fans of that letter, and we’ve always wished we didn’t have to hit a key in order to see it. Now, we won’t have to.

The touch-sensitive iBoard can be used via a series of taps: once for A, twice for B, thrice for C, etc., up to 26 times for Z. Spaces are indicated by a two second pause between letters, and punctuation is achieved by quickly tapping and drawing the punctuation mark needed. To enter number mode, users tap and hold the iBoard for the number of seconds equivalent to the number desired.

“One second for 1. Two seconds for two. Three point one four seconds for pi. What could be easier?” said the press release. “We considered morse code as option, or just drawing the letters and numbers you need, but computer users are far too busy to learn new methods of communications complex letter shapes, and we really must think of the children.”

Apple also plans to release the iBoard Advanced in time for WWDC, where users can simply tap and hold the iBoard and have it speak allowed the various letters, numbers and symbols. When the desired key-equivalent is spoken, lift up your finger and the symbol will appear on the screen. Users then tap the iBoard to confirm that this is the desired symbol, then it’s on to the next.

Also from the press release:

Developers who have used the prototype have loved it. Adobe was thrilled that they no longer have to program functionality into their programs, and Microsoft told us they were running out of keystrokes for the pointless tools they’ve been adding to their programs for years. Eliminating the keys has addressed their finite keystroke issue for them, and that’s just another problem they can now totally ignore.

Many game developers have expressed concern, as the WASD + mouse input style is integral to Mac gaming, but Apple allayed their fears by asking, “How many buttons do you need to play Diner Dash?”

The iBoard will be released this month for $79.99, with iBoard advance selling for $129.99 in June.

In related news, the Appletell editors have announced they hate April Fool’s day, because they have to waste their lunchtime making up stories like this when they could be Twittering about crackers and rabbits.